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Gotta Get Me Some

F-Devil - As he's so nicknamed in HW

Have you been keeping up with your Christian Bale news? Have you heard his latest freak out? It's so awesome. Actually, the freak-out is stupid, he's stupid. But the remix I embedded below the original freak-out clips is. I have been laughing all morning.

Freak Out:


Remix:

Super Awesome!

Things I've been wanting to Share Pt1

These are old news now, but maybe they will be equally entertaining as they would have been had I posted them at the time of the haps.

Let me take you back to two Tuesdays ago. It was a cold November 18th. I was driving our crappy "in case of" car because mine was in the shop being worked on. I was driving to work in the morning when 10 miles away from my office it starts to act weird. I decide that I must have a tire going down, so I decide to pull over before it blows completely. I pull over to the side of the road and my car dies completely. --Weird-- So I start to checkout my gauges. To the far right, I see the problem. I RAN OUT OF GAS! This damn car didn't even have a light that turns on to alert me of the problem. Stupid thing! So here I am on a very cold windy morning, in an old rusty car. Broken down, 10 miles from my office.

Luckily, the car started again and I was able to make it another mile before it died on me again. I was able to coast up an exit ramp. Then I called a coworker and asked him what a person does in this sort of situation. He first laughed at me, then told me he had a gallon of gas in his garage because he runs out of gas more often then a person should. So he came to my rescue! Yippie. It was totally embarrassing because of the way my car looked. No one even stopped to ask if I needed help. I think it was because they saw my ugly car and thought that this must happen to me all the time.

Thank GOD for cell phones! and that I actually had mine with me that day!

Love from my CoWorkers

Everybody thinks their a comedian at my office when it comes to my sport.
But this really is pretty funny!

NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy

Creepy Emails

One of the websites I manage has a feature to email the page to a friend. On occassion we have someone reply to the email and it comes back to us instead of to the intended recipient.
This one came in while I was on maternity leave, and it's super creepy. So much so, I had to share it with you.


thanks love for i can see how u love me to live longer and stronger i will take my time and read about health for i can see how it is important in our health. but how did ya day go mostly this afternoon, as u worked hard at home and adding the one outside, i should be expecting u to be sleeping now in order to gain back that lost strength,

OK. So far, not too creepy, except for the weird way she/he talks to him/her. Here's where it gets weird.

i love u dear and i really missed u when i got in the bus and u made it worse when u took off the bus at scarbo town centre at 5.31pm after me knocking people while running to catch u. never mine u did see me and there was no woman beside u so am not worried. have a lovely nite and i will talk to u later muah kisses and hangs baby

Anyone else find this creepy????? I bolded the funniest creepiest parts for your amusement.

MY LIVING WILL

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the backroom and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch.

ha! My boss sent this to me this morning! It's Great!

"Ooh Girl!" - An Honest R&B Song

I'm Fucking Ben Affleck!

Remember my post about Fucking Matt Damon?

Well, Jimmy Kimmel has retaliated with something not as funny, but still worth sharing.
Enjoy!

Check it Out F**ker!

Ok. That's a work inside joke, but it's super funny! I'll have to tell each of you in person so you can get the full comedy of it.

Anyway... Check out this site. At first I was like, "Whatever! Stupid." But then I watched more, and now they are frickin' hilarious! I didn't watch them all, but I like "Number Two" followed up by "Scientist" the best. I did not know these facts. Thanks Jackie Moon, for schooling me.

And then there is this one from the Super Bowl.

A Malaysian Proverb

When the great lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts.

My friend sent me this proverb that she read in her Organizational Communication textbook. I didn't even know there was a class called that

Funniest Clip of the Year

This clip made me laugh so hard I cried. If I ever get divorced, this is how I'm doing it.

If you can't view the clip, click here

Spider Experiments

Spit In My Face Bitch!

That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! No, it's not something that DJ said to me. It's something I heard on my radio station this morning. Sometimes I tune in to Lex & Terri, a Texas based "shock-Jock" radio station. --Two alpha males, just being rude to their callers, and being silly.

So this lady calls in and proceeds to tell this story of how she and her new boyfriend of a couple months finally got down to "business" last night, and in the middle of it, he grabs her hair (So hard her neck hurt, she said) and yells, "Spit in my face bitch!". She said this in her version of exactly how he said it. A short and loud man voice. It was so funny how she said it, and how serious she was about needing advice on what to do, that after about the third or fourth time of her saying it, I burst out laughing in my cube. I couldn't hold it in. The guys on the radio were laughing at her too.

I was laughing so hard. (You know how I get when I laugh too hard. I can't help it, and I know I look ridiculous. I also get weak and can't stand.) That's how hard I was laughing. And no one was there to share it with me. I laughed so hard, my eyes were crying. The only thing I could do was email my friend Jordan. She's the only one that would appreciate this story. Which she did. Too bad you guys couldn't have heard what I heard. It was frickin' HILARIOUS!

I'll tell you what I would have done. I would probably have burst out laughing as I did when she said it. But at him. Then, I'd probably laugh so hard at him, I'd pee on him. Then I'd get up and leave that loser naked on the floor (or wherever it was we were doing it.)

I can't wait to tell DJ! He's going to think it's hilarious too!

Superhuman Terrorists

A co-worker sent me this link to a site that has tips on how to fend off Superhuman Terrorist attacks. It's very informative, and I for one will be using all these tips the next time I'm attacked. Please read every word of this gentlemen's blog. It could save your life one day!

An illustrated guide on dealing with superhuman terrorists.

If you didn't already know, this week was Islamo-fascism Awareness Week. Now I'm not entirely 100% positive on what an Islamo-fascist is, per say, but I would assume it's some sort of superhuman hybrid of a terrorist and a Nazi, which is admittedly pretty frigging scary. In the face of this new threat, I'm doing my part by providing you with these handy-dandy tips for how to deal with superhuman terrorism, which were emailed to me this morning in one of those terrific email forwards on which I base all of my thoughts and opinions (Thanks, Michelle!). I hope they can be as helpful to you as they've been to me.

The Expatriate Act

Daily Dilbert

Daily Dilbert

A coworker sent me this Dilbert. I think this is a good idea! I should try it. Love it!

Stuttering Cat

My dad sent me this joke.

A teacher is teaching biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings

are the only animals that stutter", she explained.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she
said.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident and why she thought the cat
stuttered.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew

it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went
'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...
and before he could say "Fuck", the rottweiler ate him!"

9 Words Women Use

This is awesome! I have to say, I agree with most of these. Especially #8 and 9. I believe I used them both just this weekend.

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed , this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*@& YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to #3.

Those Damned Pirates