Poop

You may have read my "polite" post on my family blog about how I've been sick. Want to know the real kb truth? I've been shitting my brains out for the past 3 days. It started with cold chills and and progressed into, "If i even thought about food, I'd have to run to the bathroom." It was so bad, I stayed home from work for 3 days to hang out near my toilet. It was also so bad, I sat in DJs lap and cried the first night. It got to the point that I was so hungry, I had stomach pains from that, but if I ate anything, I'd also have stomach pains. So I didn't eat for most of 3 days. I had orange juice a couple times (sent me to the bathroom), and on day 2 was able to eat a little thing of yogurt and not have serious punishment for it. There was something else that I ate... ooh yeah. All three nights I had a bowl of popcorn and had no issues. I can't tall you how sick I am/was about wiping my ass. I also can't tell you how happy I was when my poop started to be solid again. ha! Want to know something else that a woman shouldn't talk about? When it did come back as solid, it was ALBINO. Yep. :o I've never seen that before. That must be what happens to it when you have no food in your system whatsoever to speak of.....

Yesterday I returned to work, and had Wendy's for lunch. I had no issues. So I was happy. Last night, I made the family tacos, and took it easy. I ate one, and ate a side salad with not so much dressing. Boring... yes. but at least I didn't crap it out.

One nice thing... I lost 9 pounds. I'm going to try not to eat much salt and keep all that water weight off.

Falling

I fell down some stairs today. Totally don't know how it happened. I wasn't in my costume at the time either, so I'm blaming it on the pregnancy. The worst, and most embarrassing part about it was that I was walking out a client and we were going down the main stairway which is fancy, and open to everyone in the lobby.

Luckily, I grabbed the hand-rail while screaming. The guy did grab me to stop my fall. Of course, I jumped up, made a joke, and kept walking. Thank GOD the hand rail didn't plummet down with me when I grabbed it. How embarrassing would that be?

OMG! I hurt so much. Somehow I must have kicked my right shin, because I now have a big welt there, plus, I think I have rug burn on my thumb. I also drew blood on my left elbow. Found that later. And, my big toe on my left foot hurts too.

I am now a little worried about all the ice that's going to show up this winter. If I'm already falling for no reason, can you imagine if I have to walk over ice with a big ole nasty belly? Maybe I need to get a big bubble for me to ride in while I'm out.

PS. You can see my costume on the other site. If you don't know the other site, then email me so I can give it to you.

My Ass Is KILLING Me

And no, you perverts, it's nothing like I suspect you're thinking.

This Saturday, guess what I got?! A Bike! Here it is to the right! Just kidding. I went into the garage tonight to take a picture, but the lighting just didn't look good, so sorry. No picture.

Saturday we bought the bike, drove to the Big W, and rode around the dirt roads with my MIL & SIL (They were already getting their bikes out when we pulled into the lot. It was a lot of fun. But my ass totally took a beating. That little seat must not be padded at all. It was very hard to sit, or squat or do anything that involved movement of my "apples" for the rest of the day.

DJ was telling me they make "fat ass" seats that I can get. (Isn't that nice of him to word it that way too? Can't you tell he loves me?" Yeah...something like that.) I think I'll hold off on the fat ass seat until I get used to this biking thing. We went again today. It still hurt, but I think it wasn't as bad. One more fun thing! I bought this little gadget that tells me how fast I'm going, how far, calories burned, fat burned, average speed, and all this other fun stuff!

So far, I'm having a lot of fun. I'm going to have to mix it up with rollerblading and regular walking though otherwise, I'll get pretty sick of it.

OH! Guess what else this means?! It's actually nice out up here! The ice is almost completely melted, and I am hoping the get the street sweepers out soon to get rid of all the lovely sand they've dumped onto the roads over the past 5 months.

Life is looking up in this place!

Ouch!

Because a lot of my girlfriends are knocked up. OK. Only 3, but 3 also just had babies, so I've been visiting iVillage a lot. I have decided I pretty much like this site altogether really. It's easy to use, easy to find stuff (most of the time), and has good info.

Anyway...I found this "Get Fit Without the Gym" article and thought the stuff it tells you to do sounded pretty easy and so I printed it out and put it somewhere visible in my office. I have done the "Seated Quad Shaper" three times this week, and the "Break-Time Butt Drill" once. My butt and abs are a little sore today and this must be why. I can really feel it when I walk up and down the stairs. I actually can feel my abs being worked out when I do the first excersise, and I don't feel like I'm doing anything anyway. I actually do that one two or three times in one day. OK. Just yesterday I did it 3 times. I think I'll try to put them all into a rotation, and maybe I can skip the gym forever!

The Weekend

Well, I didn't sleep very much last night.  I kept thinking about this web project I am working on, and how I don't have any creative tools, and how the web designer that has the creative tools A)  Doesn't care about the site I'm working on to want to help in a timely manner, and  B) Is too busy with the main website to really want to help even if she did want to help.  Which she doesn't.  So I'm thinking about how the guy I'm creating the website is going to be let down if I don't produce something soon, and how I really need to take some classes on how to use some of this fancy software (even though I don't have any of it on my computer.)  If only I had the software, at least I could try to use it.

 

Then, another problem I was having last night...  I kept having this nightmare about how terrorists were taking over my college campus, and the group of friends I was with got separated, and how I had to hide in this hotel room all alone, and try to find my friends without getting shot.  I woke up when I was passing through this tunnel and came out the other end, and this terrorist put a gun to my head and told me I wasn't going anywhere.  Alrighty then...

I'd fall back asleep after a while, and re-dream the same thing.  On top of all that.  I woke up at 2:30 and had to go to the bathroom. So bad that I was dreaming I was hiding under a bed, and had to pee really bad.  So I got up to go, and I have this pain in my lip.  Apparently, I bit my lip in my sleep!  How can a person do that?  Am I going to need to start wearing some sort of jaw locker?

 

So as you see, it was a rough night for me.  I think my terrorist dream stems from watching the movie Blood Diamond.  The world is a very crappy place.  Did you know that?  We're a very privileged country for the majority of us to not have ever had to even fathom dealing with some of the issues young children in other countries have already lived through. The worst thing I had to worry about this weekend was "Is my ankle going to swell up?", and, "Should I get Starbucks or Caribou in the morning?"

 

Oh yes, that former comment up there reminds me.  I'm having a major stroke of clumsiness.  So you might already know from previous posts.  On the way out to the movie, I was right behind DJ, and I slipped on the ice, twisted my ankle, somehow scraped my big toe on the other foot, and fell to the ground.  HARD.  Want to know what I heard?  The pickup starting.  DJ didn't even notice I wasn't around.  Which pissed me off.  So I'm laying there in pain, wondering if I am bleeding, and no one is running to help me up.  Eventually I get up, and D just looks at me like, "What the hell are you doing?" (He's inside the pickup you know.)  So I begin the process of sending him daggers with my eyes (some day this is really going to work), and begin the long and painful treck to the passenger side.  His new pickup is tall, and hard to get into when I don't have a twisted and throbbing ankle. I open the door, and yell at him for not coming to my rescue.  His reason.  Ready....  "I thought you went back into the house."  "Yeah, even though I was right behind you the whole way.  What am I Houdini?  Like I have the ability to be right behind you at one minute, and in the house the next?!"  Bastard.  Then (although not necessary, but would have been nice) he didn't help me out of the pickup once we reached our destination.  Here I am limping up to the door of the theater, when we get there I twist my ankle again, but catch myself before I fall down, and all he says to me was, "What was that?"  Umm.... Hello bastard!  Ever hear of asking if a person is alright, and trying to help them out?!?!?!?!  Or maybe even an obligatory, "OMG!  Are you alright?  Poor baby, Let me kiss it make it better."  I couldn't walk on my ankle for most of the day Sunday.  I was a bit limpy.  And guess what my sensitive husband wants to do?  Go walk around the mall.  Yep.  He was really Mr. Wonderful this weekend.  Not.

 

Now I'm at work, not wanting to work because I have too much anxiety, and I can't open the files I worked on at home this weekend because I saved them in the wrong format!  Wow.  I sound a little bitter today. Can't wait to get home so I can nap.  MMMMmmmmm Nap.

Holiday's Must Hate Me

At least for this year.

As you are aware I had a little incident with my thumb on Thanksgiving Day. It's pretty much healed by now too. There's a little teenie scab, and it still hurts a little when I do stuff with it, but for the most part, I'd say it's healed.

This Christmas we went to my parent's house. For those of you who don't know, my dad's dog is now deaf and blind. Poor old puppy... He usually follows my dad to bed every night. Well, since he can't see or hear, he was left in the living room with me Christmas night. I didn't want him to wake up and be all alone in the living room, so I picked him up and carried him to my dad's side of their bedroom. I bent down to put him on the floor when WACK! I slammed my forhead into my dad's old 1950's dresser. With pointy corners and edges! Ouch! I finished putting old Hellen Keller down, and put my hand to my head. No surprise to me, I was gushing blood. Dang!

So I go to the bathroom to see this deep gouge in the shape of the dresser corner in my forhead. (Is my brain falling out the hole yet?) I probably needed stitches, but I just stood there and blotted/applied pressure until I stopped bleeding. By now I'm a pro at this you know. My mom heard me telling DJ what I did, so she jumped out of bed to doctor me up. She fashioned the bandade so it'd pull my skin together, and luckily, in the morning my head wound looked much better, and I think it will heal nicely! I wore a bandade on my forhead for a couple days. It looked pretty stupid because I was right above my brow.

My friend Blac asked me what was going to happen to me on New Years. OMG! I better stay home, and do nothing, inside a steal bubble! Ha!

Oh, did I also mention that I also caught a cold from my mom and sister? Oh, yeah. It's terrible. I have been coughing and sneezing since Tuesday!

Finger Update

Something freaky happened with my finger last night.  Don't worry, there are no pictures attached.  It was too creapy.  Even for me, who's been living with this thing for two weeks now. 

 

I think what is happening is that my finger is starting to generate new skin.  Two days ago I grew this big blister that was all pussy.  Yesterday I noticed that it was sort of hard, and my finger hurt everytime I moved it.  (Sort of like I was tearing my skin every time I moved it.)  I keep it bandaged up in the daytime so I don't foobar (yes, that's a word) it up at work.  So when I got home I took the bandaide off to find this weird bump thing moving.  So I decided, "Ok.  I'm going to touch it."  I did, and it moved again.  So after looking at it and being a little freaked out I decided to see if it would come off.  So I pulled it up a little bit, and it came away freely from my wound.  Well, 1/2 of it did anyway.  Then I noticed that the skin around my wound was also coming off with it.  I couldn't feel any of it.  I think I could have peeled the skin off of my whole thumb if I wanted to!  It was freaky.  So I lifted until it started to hurt a little and decided to cut it off.   Then I peroxided it, and rebandaged it because it was freaking me out.  I am starting to feel like Jeff Goldbloom in the fly.  This morning, I think it looks a little better.  I think the reason all that came up is because part of my finger - the less chopped part -  has generated a new layer of skin.  I've got like 10 more layers to go.  (How many layers of skin do we have anyway?) The major part is still icky, but I think it's getting better.  If only I could get this oozing to stop...

Anyone Hungry?

My Department is doing a scavenger hunt that leads up to our Christmas Party this Friday. I am in charge of "finding" a cookie recipe on a card, and making them for the "judges". So I decided to try a new recipe. Mint Chocolate Truffle Cookies. That little snowman is a salt and pepper shaker. The hat is the pepper and the face is the salt. And the red plate is a spoon holder. Cute eh?
PS. If anyone is caring anymore. My thumb is doing something funky. I slammed it into my washing machine pretty good yesterday and I think that was a bad thing to do. It's all swollen up again, and I think I've got some skin that is fixin' to fall off.

Appreciation for the Thumb Tip

Since my incident on Thursday I have really developed an appreciation for thumbtips.
First of all, since I have no thumbtip, my sensitivity has skyrocked. If anything so much as flutters past my thumbtip, it hurts like hell! So here is a short list of things that are nearly impossible to do without a thumbtip.

Almost Impossible to Do:
Wipe. I'm right handed. Not very talented with the left in this category.
Put on earings.
Shuffle cards.
Zip.
Put on a seat belt.
Start my car.
Pick up a pen.
Carry anything in my right hand.
Get something out of my pocket.
Use a scissor.

Very Hard to Do:
Type.
Write.
Shampoo my hair.
Brush my teeth. Again, I'm a righty. Hard to do with the left.

Happy Post Thanksgiving!

Happy Post Thanksgiving everyone! I hope your Thanksgiving was everything you wanted it to be and more. Mine on the other hand was less than stellar. I woke up at 9:00am highly motivated to clean and cook/bake all day. Are you ready to hear what I did? OK. Here goes.

All was well until about noon, I had cleaned my bathroom, rolled the meatballs, cleaned jax's cage, and decided to work on Saturday's Crab Salad before I vacuumed. So I whip out my handy dandy QVC Pro Chopper Plus. Bran new and fresh out of the box (After washing out of course). I blend the onions & peppers together, and then decide to get all fancy. (Do you see where this is headed yet?) I decide that since I have all these fancy slicing blades, that I'm going to cut my carrots differently. I am going to slice them instead of chopping them. So here I go. One baby carrot in hand. Slice. Slice. What the?! Thumb goes to my mouth. Oh my God DJ! I just sliced off the tip of my thumb! Shit. shit. shit. Then I feel the blood in my mouth. It's not just few layers of skin. It's like my whole tip of my thumb! So I run to the bathroom and hang my thumb over the toilet expecting to see a bone. Couldn't see anything through the blood pouring out into my toilet. So I grab some TP, wad it onto the tip of my thumb and stand there with my thumb higher than my heart. (I think I read this somewhere that if you do this it helps slow the bloodflow or something.) So DJ walks in to look at me. I take the TP off to show him, and blood is still gooshing. So I grab a fresh batch of TP and look at him. What do we do? Do we go to the ER and get stitches? Not like you could stich on the tip of a thumb, but maybe they can do something. So we decide to wait and see if it clots on it's own.

We go back to inspect the salad. Somewhere in there, my thumb tip is sitting. Luckily it never made it into the salad. It was still sitting on the blade. We dump out the ingredients anyway, and start over. DJ at the helm this time because I'm still spewing blood. What would have taken me 10 minutes tops to make, it took DJ 30 minutes. At the end of the 30 minutes. I'm still bleeding away. So we decide to go to the ER to get them to stop the bleeding. We find a walk-in clinic and head out. Luckily, there is no one waiting and we get right in. The nurse took my blood pressure, which I think was stupid because of course my blood pressure is going to be high because I just lopped off my thumb! It was something like 148 over 180. The doctor comes in and tells me he has to numb my thumb before he can stop the bleeding. So I'm like, "Sounds good to me!" He takes out a needle, and proceeds to shove it in my thumb. TWICE (That I know of) Yowza! This is the most pain I have ever felt at a doctors office. I have a pretty high threshhold for pain, and my whole body tensed up, and I almost screamed. I was so happy when the numbing kicked in. Then he applied some sort of acid to my finger to stop it from bleeding. My fingertip is black, but I don't care. It stopped bleeding and I could go home and enjoy my meatballs. The doctor said that it'll take about 3-4 weeks for me to start generating new skin.

My thumb is still throbbing today.

One interesting thing, is when I told the doctor what I did, he brought up that it could be a lawsuit. TWICE. WTF? Why is a doctor suggesting to me that I sue? Aren't they the most sued people in America right now? Anyway, as soon as I am able (mentally that is) to change out the bandage, I'll post a picture. It's not as bad as I've described now that it's all clean and not bleeding. But I'm definitely missing some thumb!

The culprit.

The wound. (My finger is white because of the bandaid.)