Week from Hell

My week from Hell is over. Woo hoo! German lady came into my office at 2:00 on Friday to tell me goodbye. I can't tell you how happy I was! I was finally able to get something done! I actually got my first piece of work done by 4:00 and actually got out of the office at what would be my "on time" time.

Too bad everyone else had left at 3:30 to go to an impromptu happy hour. Obviously, I didn't attend that. Damn it.

This week should be better. But first I have to get through Monday. And Monday's are always terrible.

Damn this guy on my TV is hot.

I Don't Even Know What to Title This

I still haven't heard a single word from my sister. Not a single. Hope you're doing well! message or anything. Why am I bringing this up? Because today I get a box at my office. Yes, another one. This one contains scrap booking stuff, of course, something that she made "for me" to fill in with all the babies milestones of the first year. I suppose it'd be nice if a. It were in a photo album form, but it's more like a calendar thingy, b. I didn't already have plans of my own about what I'm going to do for her first year, c. It weren't made by someone who has spent my whole life being an assmunch. Which reminds me, let me check and see if it has her "signature" made by "me" stamp on the back... Wait for it, wait for it... And yes! There it is! "Made by the heart by assmunch." Assmunch is hand signed in pen with a little heart over the top. (This isn't a sign of love for me, this is how she signs her name. ALL THE TIME. I suspect in the law office she works in also has this heart signature. My grandpa's funeral guest book has her name with a big ole heart taking up the two lines above her name filled in.)

After closer inspection, it looks like I can order a photo album for it to make it into an actual book. So maybe my point a is a little moot.

Her note this time around says something like, "because I'm a veteran of those who have had kids...." "blah blah blah", "blah blah blah". No single mention of how are you, sorry for being an assmunch, or hope you're feeling well! Not even a "won't be long now." Whatever.

I never did hear anything from my mom either. So whatever again. She's not really too into this kid thing anyway. It's apparent by the fact that she doesn't seem to anxious to come up here and be with me during this whole fabulous experience.

OK. I think I may have entered the uncomfortable and cranky stage. But damn it! It's all about me right now! Grrr.

I'm Sure This Will Bite Me in the Ass

So... I'm a little emotional lately. And it's been upsetting me that my sister is an assmunch. Normally I am able to blow her off, and usually don't care. But her recent antics have really started to bother me. Where does she get off?! Seriously. She hasn't spoke to me in 4 1/2 months, and then she sends me some stupid booties for my shower. Oh, something I haven't shared. She emailed me to see if I had gotten them. As you know, there was no mention in her not on the damn booties that even remotely eluded to asking me how I was doing in my 8th month of pregnancy. Oh no, there wasn't any question of that in her email either. Which only solidifies that she doesn't give a damn about me, and really is only trying to fixate a little attention onto herself at my shower. (Mine and DJs that is.) On top of all this, I hear from my SIL that the assmunch was complaining to my Grandma about how upset she was that she didn't receive an invitation to my shower. First of all, no one got an invitation. The way they do it around here is put an ad in the paper as sort of an open house, and then word of mouth. (Because the town is so small I guess, plus it's pretty effective) Assmuch is aware of this process too. But on top of that little irritation, WHY THE HELL would I ask my SILS to send her an invite if she is such a shithead? Seriously? Would Jesus invite Lucifer? OK. Yeah, he probably would. But no normal human being would. How about this. Would Superman invite Lex Luthor? He is guaranteed to bring Kryptonite as the gift! And my third irritation with this, is that my SILs who have normal relationships with people. So they are feeling bad that my sister is upset. I've told them both to blow it off because she is stupid. Which they know, but they still feel bad. Which is exactly why I'm glad she knows nothing about them, so she can't mess with them like she's tried to mess with Lilagirl and Blac17. But L&B are sassy people, they catch on quickly.

But anyway. I emailed my mom a bit about how it upsets me that she sucks so bad. I'm sure my mom will do nothing, or even understand why I think she sucks so bad. So I'm sure that will come back to bite me in my ass. Which brings me right back around to the title of my blog! :o)

Here is the email from her about the box.
Subject: Did you receive two packages from me?
-------------
Her: You should have received two packages from me in the mail. I sent two separate boxes to your work early last week.
ME: Yeah, I got them on Monday. Bootie things for the shower, and a plate, cup and bunny candy.

Wasn't sure what I should say since you haven't spoke to me in 4 1/2 months. So I hadn't said anything yet.

The bunny things were nice to get. Also made me cry. But then, what doesn't make me cry these days? I appreciate them and baby A will definitely make use of them when she gets big enough.

The booties are super cute and will go out on the tables for the shower. SILs are curious to see what they look like. All I can describe is super cute.

Thanks for the thoughts.
----------------
Her: Glad you like the goodies and thanks for letting me know you received them.

You'll NEVER Guess What I Just Got in the Mail

So, you know how my sister is right? If not, maybe you should checkout the "assmunches" tag for more information. Last we left off, I was a selfish bitch for not making plans with her on the Friday that I was in town because she took the whole day off to spend with me. However, she neglected to let me know she was taking the whole day off and I had already made plans with my dear friends lilagirl and blac17. When my mom asked me if I would spend time with my sister on Friday (yes, I didn't even ever get an invite from my sister personally) I emailed them both and said I already had plans in the day, but evening would be fine. Well, then all hell broke loose about what a selfish bitch I am.

I have not heard anything from her since then. Except the week prior to her birthday when I got a home made card saying, "Thank you for my Christmas present." Of course, I'm not stupid. This was so she'd get a birthday present from me. Unfortunately, I had already bought the damn thing back in October so I had already gotten it in the mail. Wrapped, but with no bow, and no card. (That'll show her!)

So today. TODAY! I come back from lunch and there are two packages on my desk. (I had a coworker open the first one in case it was a bomb.) While he was opening it, I gave him a short briefing on the actions of my sister and how she never does anything unless it's so she can get something. So either this was a bomb, or it was something to make her look good, or something so she can try to get something from me later.

Want to know what it was?

It wasn't a bomb.

It was about a dozen little "shoes" with Dixie cups in them. The note says you're supposed to fill them with nuts or mints for the shower that my SILs are throwing me. So basically, she made something that will sit out at the shower so that all the old ladies in town with think she's a super great sister. I'm not stupid. I know exactly what she's doing. Unfortunately, they are super cute, and I can't just toss them. I'm actually a little surprised she didn't just send them directly to the SILs to kiss up to them and tell them how great she is. After all, she sends a Christmas card (and a Thanksgiving card!) to my MIL.

So that's the latest installment of the my sister sucks saga.

Let's Play, You Be the Judge!

Tell me if this isn't a good example of living in your own technicolor dream world?

Note: convos have been truncated to keep you interested.

Convo1: (Ok. I'm too busy to find the original, but here is the gist)
her: I want family pictures, my unibrow boyfriend can take them. Let me know your thoughts.
me: I'm fine with that so long as it is the four of us, minus Unibrow and DJ since I'm prego (and Unibrow isn't even part of the family yet- didn't say that part, expecting her to figure it out.) Otherwise, I'd much rather wait til next year.
her: OK. That's fine, let me know what you're going to wear.

Convo 2: (exactly as original)
Me: OK. My color choices so far are lavender, grey, or black. Very likely will wind up being lavender for me.

Do mom and dad know about our plans? (didn't mention it in the last email) Will we plan to do that on Thursday night after supper? (Maybe we better do it before we eat so we don't look fat.) I'm fine with doing a "just the four of us" picture. Because after this year, it's really not going to be the four of us anymore. Technically, that's already happened with me getting married, but DJ doesn't care if he's not in the photos this time around. He understands that we don't have a "just the four of us" picture. And after April, something tells me no one is going to care if DJ and I are in the pictures anymore anyway. Maybe we can make mom and dad sit in front of us to hide my fatness too?

----here comes the crazy----

her: What color would DJ wear? Unibrow doesn't have anything that's purplish, but he does have a few nice black shirts. Me, I'm sure I have something in the lavender family, so we could go with black, white, and lavender. And yes, I have already devised a plan to hide your tummy in the photo.

me: I thought we were just doing pics of you me dad and mom? So no DJ and Unibrow (I'm calling him Uni from here on out).

her: Well, I figured we could first do us (you, me, Mom, and Dad) and then do another with the four of us and then toss in DJ and Uni, plus one of each couple individually. What do you think? Too much?

Convo 3: (edited)
me: ...I'd much rather have pictures of my family including the one in my belly. The main reason being: Its not like we're going to have permanent pictures done every year, so I'd much rather just wait until the baby is out.

And for a secondary reason... I'm sure you'd feel the same way if it were reversed: I don't really think it's fair to DJ to do a "family" picture with "the boyfriend", since he's not yet married in. (Boyfriends are removable. Even the live in type you know.) I have been wanting a family picture with me, you, mom, dad and DJ, but since I didn't want to offend you by excluding Uni., I haven't asked for it. I don't want DJ to see some framed picture on the wall that's being considered a "family" picture, with someone who hasn't made the same commit he has. I can't really explain what I'm talking about, but I think there is something to be said for those that are permanent members of the family, and those who are not yet. I also don't want to take a set with and without Uni, and ask mom and dad to frame and hang the without version. So therefore, I am voting against the including Uni and DJ altogether to avoid conflict. It's either DJ only, or none at all for me. (PS, this is another reason for my reason number one. Because maybe by next year Uni will be permanent and this will no longer be an issue.)

Then I got serveral emails ranting on about how Uni is a good photographer and how he has all he needs to take a good photo. I have at least 3 of them telling me that.

My secret response: "OK. Dont really care.... BUT can he refrain from picking his nose with his pinky finger and sliding what he finds around on his finger for more than every other 5 minutes?"

OK. So verdict? Who's the crazy?

PS. Ain't no way in HELL I'm taking a family photo with some boyfriend that if he were smart enough would run away screaming while he still can! It's bad enough I have to buy the guy Christmas gift when we get together for our "family" gift exchange.

Weekend Update

So how is everybody doing? What would you like me to talk about first? Would you like to hear first? The latest of antics about my sister, or would you like to hear the latest of antics of my MIL? You're going to hear both really, so I guess I'll pick. We'll go with the sister. I really should start a list. Well... I guess I sort of have one. I did a quick search, and put them all under one tag Here's the latest addition to the list.

I received my sister's "Christmas card". (Some of you may have received it, because of course, she's trying to make my friends her friends, so she can make them think she's "super great!".) Anyway. She dressed her dumb dogs up as hot dogs, and made her boyfriend dress up as a mustard bottle while she was ketchup. The picture is totally hilarious. I'm sure she thinks it's very serious and cute, but I think it's frickin' HILARIOUS!!!!! For so many reasons.... But anyway, that's not the complaint. Everyone can do their own stupid thing with their cards. I'm sure people think mine are stupid as well. But what bothered me, is my super "worried about identity theft" sister (So much so that she used to shred her junk mail for fear that someone might get some info on her. She may still do this.) has started her own blog. Can you guess which blog engine she's using? Could it be Blogger??? Could it also be a blog that was started shortly after I sent out an email to my family and friends about my public family site???

She had emailed me and asked me about what blogger was, and I stupidly fell into the trap of telling her it was part of Google's web packages where you could do tons of stuff with one account including RSS readers, and all that crap. So foolish of me. I didn't have my guard up. For now on, I will have to ignore her emails until I can have time enough to think about what the devious plan is.

Now, you may be thinking. "KB, you're so silly. What's the big deal. Many of your friends have started blogs after finding out about yours. It's no different than that." Well... If that's your thought, then let me point out that this is the same sister that whenever she sees what my hair looks like, she switches her hairstyle. And let me also reiterate about how she won't buy anything online because she doesn't want anyone to steal her identity, but has no problems making her boyfriend, my father, or anyone else she can sucker into doing it for her. Which reminds me of the time she called me up and wanted to take out a $5000 loan in my name because she didn't want it on her credit. But it was totally fine for it to be on mine. Whatever.

It's nothing that I'm losing sleep over, but it's just another one of those things to kick me back into reality about how she still hasn't changed or grown up. I'm a thousand miles away from her, and my blog, is about the first glimpse into my life that she's seen in two years. I'm so not going to give the link to said blog, because it's just all about her three stupid dogs, but here is what she says in the intro. "This blog is dedicated to my three beautiful pups, Scout, Bandit, and Daisy. In the photo below, Bandit is the smiling dog on the left, Scout is smiling dog on the right, and Daisy is the cutie in the middle with the happy grin and longer, fluffier hair. I would also like to thank my boyfriend, Dan, for being such a big part of our lives and for encouraging me to set up this blog!" Ummm... What about "Thanks to my sister, whom I keep trying to be by trying to do everything she does at every chance I get. If only she'd let me in more, so I could be more like her." Oh, and here is more. "... please be mindful that, since this blog is being set up in website format, that any and all comments posted to this blog are public and available for the entire internet using community to see. Please use caution and respect when mentioning other people and, if at all possible, please refrain from using last names. You do not have to be a blog subscriber to post a comment. If you are not a blog subscriber, simply sign in as anonymous and post your comment. But please! As my sister so carefully points out on her blog, if you do comment using anonymous, please be sure and sign your first name or initials at the end of the comment so that Dan and I know who the heck you are!" Hmm... doesn't that sound almost exactly like this "...Currently, you don't need to be a blogger subscriber to make a comment. All you have to do to comment, is sign in as anonymous. But please! If you do comment using anonymous, please sign your first name so we know who you are.
And please! Remember, just because we're on the web, doesn't mean everyone else wants to be there. So use caution and respect when mentioning other people. My rule of thumb is not to use any one's last name. Although this site is "technically" not published in any search engines, it is still a website, which always makes it public." I guess I'd be less irritated if she just said, "My sister has a blog, and now I want to have a blog too."

That reminds me, I better email her and tell her that she better not be giving out my blog address to people without my permission. Because I don't need her crazy friends reading my personal business. I can always make it private if I have to, but I don't want to make it hard for the people I actually care about that are reading it to read it.

Now on to the Saturday holiday with my in-laws. That surprisingly, was not bad. Not bad at all. I think what made it more interesting than usual, was that she invited some neighbors/relatives of theirs that I really like. I'll call them L&B. L, the man, is so funny. He's very talkative, and he's not always actually funny, but the things that he says are funny, even if he's not trying to be. And B is just so nice (in a normal way). When I walked into the house, she greated us at the door, and before I could get a "hello" out, she said, "I just heard your good news! I'm so happy for you!" and gave me a big ole hug. (I think that's more than I've even received from my own MIL.) She even looked like she was ready to tear up. It was sort of nice to be greated that way. This couple was one of the first people I met when I came to "meet the parents" way back when DJ and I were still in that cutsie stage. They were the first people to make me really feel welcome. Their daughters are the same way too. DJ and I have met them for dinner a couple times and I would love to be "real friends" with them. Does it sound too desperate if I just come out and ask them that? "Can we be friends? I really like you girls, and would really like that." L&B being there, made the day go by much better, and we didn't even spend any time staring at the TV on mute.

I also FINALLY got to hold my nephew. He is now 8 weeks old. It's about damn time! Usually when I see him everyone else wants to hog him, and I just get annoyed by the people that don't just leave the poor kiddo alone. But my SIL wanted to eat, so I took him for her. Man that guy is heavy. He decided he didn't want to sit up anymore, so I adjusted so he could lay down, and he fell asleep. I was like, "YES! he didn't start screaming!" So I held him while she ate, and then when she was done, we put him down for his nap. Man! Was my arm sore! He's 12 pounds something now, so it's not like I was lifting a little light baby anymore.

DJ and I also saw Fred Claus. This is getting bad reviews (so I hear), but I thought it was pretty good for what it was. I'd recommend seeing it if you like that kind of movie.

Weekend Update

I came to one conclusion this weekend. I really enjoy partying with my cousins. One cousin is so much fun once he's drunk, I can get him to dance with me. And he's a good dancer. We do the flips and turns and everything. He's "too cool" do do it when he's sober. He's probably the only guy who could flip me since I'm the size of a small dinosaur. (FYI: He's the size of a Medium dinosaur. If we're using that analogy.) Then, another one of my cousin's husband who usually comes across as a big cocky SOB, I like him when he's sober just because we can pick on each other and have fun. The more drunk he gets the louder he gets. (I've heard I do this as well, but he REALLY gets loud.) Plus, word on the street is that he likes no one. However, he likes me. Some days, my cousin won't be able to get him to come out until she says I'll be there. Then he goes. So the guy can't be all bad if I'm the light of his life right? My other cousin, (Who is the first cousin's brother, and the size of a large dinosaur) is also a lot of fun, and when he gets drunk he's usually good for a free couple rounds of drinks. :o) Then I have a lot of other cousins that I ran around and had fun with all weekend. My BIL was even fun. He's not so much fun when he gets drunk because he's a sloppy drunk, but when he's right in the middle between drunk and waisted, he's usually good for some fun. He's a terrible dancer but he tries. It's very funny to watch. Good cheap entertainment. I was also pretty impressed with my prego SIL. She hung out with us for most of the evening. I don't know if I could stand a bunch of drunk people if I was sober. But she seemed to be having a pretty good time.

On other family fronts, my sister was surprisingly not too bad. But then again, I made sure not to be around her too much too. Most annoying comment all week, "My dogs aren't that bad." While one was chasing a poor little puppy around, another was chewing on a chair, and the other was crossing in front of her feet and tripping her. You weren't there, but it was pretty classic, "My sister is oblivious to the world around her" moment. She brought those stupid dogs everywhere. I could bitch about this for hours so to make you understand the true depth of the issue, but I won't. But believe me, at the end of it all, you'd be agreeing with me that she's clueless about anyone or thing other than herself. Right down to her poor boyfriend. I found him sitting at a table by himself several times throughout the evening while she disappeared to go check on the dogs. (Yes, that's right, she can't even leave them alone somewhere for the evening.) I had to keep sending people over to talk to him, or bringing him over to whatever group looked like they were having the most fun. I have to say, he's not as much fun as he used to be. She's definitely sucked most of the life out of him. Poor guy.

My Vacation

My vacation to ABQ went quite well. DJ and I did very little, and it was fabulous! I love it when he's lazy. I wish he were like that more often.

I'm not going to bore you with details, but wanna hear a gross sister's boyfriend story? Of course you do!

Let's cut right to the chase. Turns out, he likes to pick his boogers. All the time. In front of crowds. While talking to you, sitting in a living room full of family... Then roll them around in his fingers for a while before either they disintegrate, or he wipes them somewhere. I don't know which. DJ had his own personal experience with it while he was talking to the guy. He just reached up there and dug for gold in the middle of the convo. And according to D, he really went to town. All the while, still talking. No apologies for the dig. Then the next day, we were all gathered in the living room watching football, he was in the front of the room, in front of the TV, (So in eye shot of everyone) just digging away, and then rolling it around. It was making me sick. I turned to D and told him not to shake his hand when they leave tonight. ha! The worst part was, once I noticed it, I was fixated on watching how many times he did it. He'd pick his nose, roll it around for a while, then pick his ear then go back to the nose. It was DISGUSTING! I don't ever remember him doing that when he and I were friends. It must be a new habit that my sister brought on. Maybe he does it so she will stay away from her. ha ha ha ha!

Dead Rabbits and all That Jazz

My dad just emailed me and told me that my sister's rabbit died last night. It's very sad. That rabbit has been around for years. I think maybe nine or ten to be exact. She has had it ever since she was engaged to that dude. So yeah, it's got to have been that long.

Well, most of you know the drama of my sister and me. (and if you haven't, then you obviously don't read my blog. Whatever!) A couple weeks ago, I don't know why, but I emailed her about a sale some craft store was having on scrapbooking crap. My sister is very into that, and like I said, I have no idea why I emailed her about it. Other than I had a momentary laps in judgment. As you know (my dedicated readers anyway) every time I extend the olive branch, it comes back to slap me in the ass. So I have closed all doors and windows to that tree. This has worked well for me, and why I opened them up again, I am sure I'll be reminded soon.

So now I have to send out an email, or call her even, to tell her I'm sorry to hear about her rabbit. It is the decent thing to do. But I really don't want to extend yet another branch, because the more I do that, the higher my risk of getting the fingers, hand, arm, holding said figurative branch scratched, broken, or ripped off. But I did it anyway. I just hope it doesn't come back to bite me too hard later.

I know it will, because it always does. What's that phrase? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? Well... at least I'm prepared for it when it does come back around.

Wedding Weekend

I am guessing y'all are just dying to hear about my cousin's wedding weekend. OK. Here goes.

Friday: I was supposed to meet with the last bridesmaid before the rehearsal dinner. Turns out, she went out Thursday night and had a hang over. Therefore sleeping in, hence, resulting in her leaving her place late, making her late for the rehearsal dinner. So I wound up having to run off to the church to fit her around 8:00. The dress was still too big. (I learned something about alterations. But that's another story.) So I had to go home, and take it in, and hem it. This took me until around 11:00. Meanwhile, while I was at home sewing, my family was up at the liquor store getting wasted. My dad was so hung over the next day, he barely made it through the ceremony, and didn't even go to the reception and dance.

Saturday: Wedding Day I got a call to come help one of the bridesmaids zip her top. Turns out, she got it stuck. Don't ask me how. So I was Super Seamstress! To the Rescue! I should have just followed them to the church because another bridesmaid was getting dresses there. She wanted me to pin her bra straps in because they kept falling down. So once again, super hero Seamstress Lady went off to the church to help. All in all the wedding went well. I was surprised to see my name in my cousin's wedding pamphlet as the seamstress. Then at the dinner she stood up and thanked me in front of everyone. This was a little embarrassing, and then throughout the night I had people coming up to me telling me how fabulous I was. Now, I know you are thinking that is fabulous, who doesn't like compliments? But it was starting to make me feel self conscience. I don't exactly view my "old lady" habit of making things from scratch as a talent. I think pretty much anyone can cut out a pattern and sew something.

Let's see, highlights of the evening:

• The devil wore a short black dress. I was very surprised at this, and even she came to my house before the wedding looking for a safety pin her boobs in.
• The flower girl didn't even make an appearance down the isle, and she was the cutest one of all.
• Everyone loved my outfit. A kb original creation. Of course!
• My sister was her annoying self with her camera. Apparently her and her man (an ex good friend of mine) have decided they think they are professional photographers and are always annoying people with taking pictures of everything under the sun. Since she was being pretty annoying. I just asked her to send me copies of the pictures she takes. We'll see if that happens. I might wind up without any photos of my cousins wedding. She was just being so annoying about it all, I didn't want to contribute to the annoyingness. Nor did I want to be associated with her announcement.
• I knew a lot of people at the wedding. I think this was due to my night out on the town with the girls the past several weekends. I figured that I have partied with my SIL, cousin & cousins friends for the past 5 weekends in a row. All night long I had a friend around me. I had a lot of fun all night long.
• Meanwhile, the devil sat at a table with relatives not up for dancing or socializing outside of their circle, all night long. At one point in the evening she asked me if I'd go out and dance with her. So I did. I was drunk, and didn't care too much. After one song, she disappeared.
• Throughout the night 3 different girls told me how much they didn't like my sister, how she was snobby, and bitchy. See, other people do catch on to her ways. :o) I tried very hard to keep myself objective, bu of course by the third girl, I was probably a little less subtle.
• I did hear the bitch make a couple snide comments about me to family members. But since it was pretty obvious who the stuck up loser was, I just ignored it.
• The bride looked very lovely, and her dresses bustle was so damned cute!
• Thank God I have no more dresses to worry about! It's now off to scrapbooking!

Sunday-Tuesday: I took Monday and Tuesday off to spend with my mom. My dad, and sister flew out on Monday, so I went with to the cities. After we dropped them off, my mom and I went shopping. Although my wallet is pinched pretty thin at the moment. I bought myself two new pieces of luggage. I desperately need it before June 6th, when I have a business trip in Chicago. I did pretty well. Other than that one expensive purchase, I managed to spend a few bucks here and there on some good deals.

Tuesday night we had a big storm. I had intentions of having dinner at my grandmothers, then heading back to my apartment in the city. It was raining, and lighting so hard, that when I left my gma's house, I couldn't see the road. So I just headed to the house in town. I decided to spend the night there and head out for the office in the morning. This was so nice since usually my drive is 3 hours from the house. Now it's only 1 hour! It was totally awesome! I thought the husband would be happy to see me, but since he has been burning the candle at both ends trying to get the fields seeded, he was exhausted and I didn't even get to see an erection. Not even a token salute. But at least the storm rinsed all the dirt off of my car!

So that's my recap of last weekend. I hope you enjoyed it!

Taking Bets

Let's place some bets people. For those of you that know my sister, lets take some bets.

I am betting that she will wear the same cream/white dress outfit thing that she wore to my wedding to my cousin's wedding. The very same outfit that I called her and told her, "I don't care what you wear, just don't wear white or cream or anything that is close to white or cream." I told her this becuase it's tacky to wear this color to a wedding. The only one in white shades should be the bride. Unless it's like white with another color. But not all white!

My sister showed up to my wedding in an all white, could be used for a casual wedding dress if you were going to get married on a beach or someplace like that. She told me it was a "mink-ish taupe color". First of all, mink is not a color - trust me, I've got a degree in fashion. and second of all, girl don't know what color taupe is if she really thinks that color is taupe.

I didn't tell her off though. Just told her as I had to stand next to her in pictures, that a. That's not taupe, and b. When you get married, I'm going to be sure to wear my wedding dress. Smile for the camera! click.

So back to the betting. I've got 20 that says she's gonna rewear that outfit. Any takers?

An Email from My Sister

Hi There! How's it going? Are you enjoying your new job? What about Fargo? May I please have your new address?

Ummm...... NO!

What the FUCK does she want now?!!!!! I haven't spoken to here since my wedding. That was in June 2004.

Update: 4/18/06
I turn my cell phone off during work hours. So yesterday when I was at Pier1 shopping for 50% off Easter stuff, I turn my phone on. I have a message. It's from her. "KB, call me back, I need your address, it's for Susies wedding."

So now my question is, "What the hell is she doing for Susies wedding? and does Susie know this? And if she's doing something for Susie, then why does that involve my address?"

So I call Susie, she tells me she is worried because she never asked my idiot sister to do anything for her. (OK, she didn't say, "idiot") She then tells me how my sister sent her these dumb bells attached to cards, (with the wrong wedding colors on them, her colors are purple, the card/bell things were maroon). She now is scared the my sister is making these things for her. Who does this without even asking if it needs to be done? Well, I can answer that. My selfcentered, egocentric, backstabbing, thinks she's better than everyone sister. That's who. So I told my cousin I'd call my mom and get the scoop. My cousin told me that if it is the bell/card things to tell her she doesn't want them. ha ha ha! Turns out, Susie hates bells and bows. She also already has her party favors for the wedding. So if my sister does do this thing, then they aren't going to be used anyway.

Susie is also catching on to my sister's MOA as well. She mentioned something to me while we were drunk on Saturday. I just told her what I thought, and told her I don't want to talk trash about her because it makes me look bad, but since she asked.... I've done a good job not to bad mouth her around relatives. She on the other hand, tries very hard to make me look bad in front of them. Well, she tries very hard to make everyone look bad in comparison to her. But my relatives are smart. Many of them have mentioned to me that she is off the deep end. (and I secretly love hearing it too!)

Lilagirl and blac17 feel free to share your fond memories of my sister here if you like. I'm sure I sound just really mean, but people who have witnessed the conniving beast at work understand.

My Sister and the Funeral

So I was just telling someone about my crappy sister. Some of you know that my sister isn't a very good person, and that about a 2 years ago I decided to just stop letting her into my life. Which, to some people that don't know the full life story, make me look like a bitch since my sister loves to spin things into her favor. But I finally didn't care anymore, and needed to just let her go in order for her to stop hurting me. Anyway.... Here is a something that shows how much her skew of reality is. In the guest book for the memorial, she signed her name with little hearts around it. You know. heart Jane "bitch" doe heart. In a book for a Memorial. When I went to sign my name, I was like, "What the hell? Is she retarded or what?" But that just goes to show you a little about how my sister is. If your a fan of the Apprentice, she's pretty much like Omarosa. How she says one thing, then turns around and tries to say you said it, but in reality you didn't, and who cares if you have proof because in her weird messed up mind what she says is true. Plus how Omarosa thinks she's secretly loved, and a good person, but in reality no one likes her and everyone is anoyed with her.

I hate my sister

Everyone wonders why I hate my sister.  "Why are you so mean to her?" they ask.  The truth is, anyone who knows me, and has met my sister, soon figures out why I don't bother with her.
Here's a recent list of grievances
1.  She wears ivory on my wedding day.  - Tacky
2.  Her obtrusive boyfriend insults my photographer while standing right behind her.  -who the hell does he think he and his uni-brow are anyway?!  He's no frikin' professional photographer.
3.  Her and her boyfriend publish their photos of my personal wedding day on their site without asking if Darin or I am ok with it.
4.  Then, she decides to distribute these photos to anyone who asks for them, again, without asking me, so now she has ruined my ability to show my relatives myself the photos of my wedding.  As well as allowing them to print whatever photos they wish, so if I choose to give them a photo as a gift, it is highly possible they already have it printed and framed themselves.  Therefore making my gift pretty crappy.
5.  She emails me and tells me I should thank her for all she's done.
6.  I email her back and tell her I haven't thanked her because it was all done without my permission, and even though she thought it was a good idea, it was her idea, and done for her proposes in mind.  Not mine.  So that is why I haven't thanked her.
7.  She emails me back and tells me she has taken down the photos because it is clear that I don't want them up.  - proving my point in the first place.  She doesn't ever bother to ask what someone else would like.
 
Of course this is the short of it.  There are better details.  But I won't bore you with my rant.  I hate her. I wish she would fall off the face of the earth.  Not die, because she'd haunt me and try to do bad things to me in her afterlife.  I just want her to be locked in a tiny cell somewhere.  Think that's possible?  I don't think it's too much to ask for my sanity.