My Ass Is KILLING Me

And no, you perverts, it's nothing like I suspect you're thinking.

This Saturday, guess what I got?! A Bike! Here it is to the right! Just kidding. I went into the garage tonight to take a picture, but the lighting just didn't look good, so sorry. No picture.

Saturday we bought the bike, drove to the Big W, and rode around the dirt roads with my MIL & SIL (They were already getting their bikes out when we pulled into the lot. It was a lot of fun. But my ass totally took a beating. That little seat must not be padded at all. It was very hard to sit, or squat or do anything that involved movement of my "apples" for the rest of the day.

DJ was telling me they make "fat ass" seats that I can get. (Isn't that nice of him to word it that way too? Can't you tell he loves me?" Yeah...something like that.) I think I'll hold off on the fat ass seat until I get used to this biking thing. We went again today. It still hurt, but I think it wasn't as bad. One more fun thing! I bought this little gadget that tells me how fast I'm going, how far, calories burned, fat burned, average speed, and all this other fun stuff!

So far, I'm having a lot of fun. I'm going to have to mix it up with rollerblading and regular walking though otherwise, I'll get pretty sick of it.

OH! Guess what else this means?! It's actually nice out up here! The ice is almost completely melted, and I am hoping the get the street sweepers out soon to get rid of all the lovely sand they've dumped onto the roads over the past 5 months.

Life is looking up in this place!

Confessions

Warning: Long Post

The Short: Rodeo's, Drinking, Dancing, Getting Old, and Loneliness.

The Long: You know what? There aren't many things I'd change about my husband. At the moment, there is only one thing I can even think of to list. OK, maybe two...

1. Stop dropping silent but deadlies because I think I might die from poisonous air.
2. Figure out a way to mail your own damn mail (spoiled mama's boy)

Saturday we went to a rodeo. It was fun, although not as much fun as others I've been to. Then, since it was St. Patrick's Day, I had been telling LH (As FW Mama calls her man) all week that he better be prepared to go out and get wasted. We haven't gone out to the local bars around here at all together since I moved here. (Which, in another 6 days, will be a complete year). I love to go to dance clubs. I have no clue if there are even places like that around here. People around here are boring (In my opinion). To me, if I wanted to sit around and shoot the shit, I sure as hell wouldn't pay to get into a place, then pay tons of money for my alcohol to do it. That's what a person has their house for. When I go out to drink. I want a good dance floor and some good loud music. AND I want to be out on that floor for most of the night. My man, though I love him, has the mentality I mentioned previously. This causes me a problem. And since I've been wanting to go dancing for a LONG time now, I was completely elated when his friend suggested that we meet at a bar that he likes. When we walked up the music was awesome, and when we walked in, most of the club was a dance floor. A DANCE FLOOR! I was so excited. But then I had to be calm because I was with people I didn't know. We search for the friends, who are, to my disappointment, in the back near the pool tables. :o( There I was, all alone while my man talked to some drunken dude that I didn't know, while I stood there looking around this club. After about half an hour of being ignored, (Not by DJ. This guy just wouldn't stop talking to him, and since the music was loud, I couldn't hear him, so I tuned him out.) While standing there, I did a quick inventory of my friends. If I were here with so and so, we'd be having a blast already. (My current girl group came to mind.) Then I got sad that I have no friends in this retched place. (Not even boring ones.) I decided to go exploring.

This is the part that makes me a bit sad I'm not single anymore. And that I'm old. Normally (sober or drunk) I'd have no problem jumping out on the dance floor and dancing with myself, or finding a group of girls to join in on. But since I am old, and married. I thought it best that I shouldn't. So I just stood there watching people have fun. I was sort of hoping some dude would come up and pull me onto the floor. To my chagrin, I think I've lost my pick me up signal. Dang! So I decided to buy myself some shots from the shot girl. (BTW: I haven't seen a shot girl since I moved away from Dallas.) $5 later I had a shot of Tequila Rose and Sex on the Beach in me, and was working on my third beer. (Fifth if you include the two from the rodeo. OK. two and half from the rodeo.) By this time, I figured I better go find my man before he thinks I ran off with some hot dude. To my surprise, he asked me to go dance. (I suppose my wiggling in front of him was a big hint. But yeah for him, for picking up on it!) He took me out on the floor, danced to one song, then was ready to leave. I made him stay for 2 more until my ankles started to hurt from the shoes I was wearing. Another problem I have now that I'm old.

So all in all, it was good night in the end. But I am still itching for some good old fashioned hammered dancing. I guess I'm going to have to force my SILs to go out with me and have some fun. Well... I guess my one SIL since the other is knocked up now, and I suspect the little bit of fun she was is probably on hiatus indefinitely.

So basically, I really wish my husband liked to go out and party the same way I do. But I guess that's the problem with not picking up your man in a bar or club.

Tired

I was so tired this morning, I tried to condition my hair twice. Then, I put my face stuff in my hand, and I didn't know where I was supposed to rub it. I just staired at it for a few seconds while my body thought about where this stuff was supposed to go. I have no idea why I'm so tired. I stayed up a half hour later than usual, but that should have been offset by my half hour nap.

I'm actually sleeping again, so who the heck knows why I'm so tired. It's just weird. My boss has pink eye. Her kid got sent home because the nursery thought she was getting it, she took the kid to the Dr, and it turns out tha she is the one that got it, not the kid. I think that's a bit funny. :o) ha!

Well, that's the extent of my excitement for today. Sorry to have waisted your time!

American Idol

Is Anyone else watching American Idol?  No one in my office is, so I am guessing I'm the only one.  There is this Indian kid on there Sajay something.  He's terrible, but people aren't voting him off.  I'm totally shocked by this.  Well.  Actually not surprised, it causes good drama each week.  DJ and I take turns coming up with nicknames for him.  My favorite is Sanjackson since he looks and sings a lot like MJ.  We've also come up with Sanjiggy which is fun to say.  (Saying anything with the word jiggy in it is fun.) I don't think we've called him the same thing twice.  It's pretty fun.  We sit there the whole hour and come up with ways to work his name into our conversation.  ha! 

 

We're such lame married  people.  I aware of the problem.

Feel Sorry for Me

While some of you people are basking in the sunlight and planting pretty little flowers. All the while simultaniously pissing me off and causing me to feel jealousy, this is what I've been dealing with.

WW Update

Holy Crap.  I'm totally shocked.  I lost a pound.  A whole pound.  I think my scale at home is broken.  I weighed myself this morning and I didn't weigh any less.  So I think I'm throwing out the scale and buying a new digital one.  Anywhoo.  Although I would have liked to 18 pounds by now.  I can deal with 6.  At least it's some right?  Right?  Yeah.  I'm right.

 

I think I'm buying a bike this weekend too.  Which should be fun.  It's just going to be a cheap $100 one. Nothing special.  Does anyone have any tips on what I should look for in a bike?  Of course it has to have streamers on the handles, and something that makes a clicking noise attached to the tires.  And a bright yellow banana seat.

Today's Horoscope...Interesting

Something in your life is about to change for the better, but you have to participate in the process. You can unconsciously hold on to the way things were, for what you know seems less frightening than what you don't know. Ultimately, Scorpio is the sign of transformation. You have the power, so don't hold back; let the magic happen.

I Smell Like a Urinal Cake

Isn't that lovely? This is something my husband told me the other day.

Actually, Victoria's Secret Passionate Kisses smells like urinal cakes. I asked him to rub some lotion on my back, and while he was doing it, he told me it smelled like a urinal cake. So I was like great. You think I smell like piss. He did make sure to clarify that it was a new urinal cake, not a used one. And all this time I thought I smelled good...

So ladies. If you so desire to smell like a new urinal cake, please. Pick up your bottle of VS Passionate Kisses today.

PS. I'm looking to give my bottle away now, so if you want it, let me know and I'll send it to you.

WW Adendum

OK beotches who are picking on me. (Sara and Jordan) Maybe I should explain how WW works a little better.

The version I am on is all about how many points I consume in a day. Everything you eat in a day gets a points value. I am only supposed to eat 25 points a day. Then, in cases where you may eat out, you are allowed another 35 for the whole week. (These are called flex points.)

So even though I totally ate badly for breakfast, I made up for it in what I ate the rest of the day. It's definately harder to stay on track when you start a day out like that, but it still doesn't mean I blew my goal for the day. Besides. I only drank 1/2 of my coffee.

Here is what I ate that day, and how the points break down:

4" Chocolate Covered Donut	6
1/2 Md Turtle Mocha w/LF Milk, No WC	3
1/2 Ckn Fajita Burrito	12.5
Diet Coke	0
Slow Cooked BBQ Pork Sandwich	5
Grand Total:	26.5

Plus! When I weighed myself the next day, I had lost a pound! Woo hoo! So, even though I didn't come in right at 25 points. It's still not totally bad.

Thanks for sticking up for me Kai. But I did just spend a weekend with these girls and I probably bitched about some people not supporting me correctly. They're only trying to keep me on track.

MM Good!

I'm eating a big ole donut and caribou coffee. I don't care about all the calories I'm consuming either!

Weeeeeeeeeeee

WW Update

I had made up my mind. I wasn't going to weigh in today. But at the last minute I decided that if I didn't, I was only cheating myself. So I did. I am back to the weight I was two weeks ago. (Last weak I gained .6 lbs) So alas! My ticker seems to be perpetually stuck at 5.

Today's meeting talked about the ladder of success. At the bottom of the latter it starts with the "I can't" attitude, and as you work the way up to the top it gets more positive. All the way up to "I did!". While this ladder example was a bit korny. I realized that I am at 30%. Which is "I might".

Excuses. I've been making up some doozies. My latest is, "I'll work out later." All last week, I only worked out twice (not including the past two days where I've walked around the mall at lunch). I start out good. All through the work hours I'm telling myself (and really wanting to do it to) that when I get home I'm popping in Billy Blanks and doing that. If only for 10 minutes. Then I get home, and after I get all my snow gear off, I run up the stairs and sit on the couch. Next thing I know, I'm napping. Another one of mine is, "I'll work out tomorrow". This usually happens once I wake up from my nap and realize I have to get dinner started, and that I have to get working on some of my own projects.

This week I'm kicking my ass into gear. I absolutely HAVE to work out at least 3 times a day. I HAVE to. I can't continue to be fat. I have plans that involve me being skinny this spring. So I have to get at it.

Walmart

The Walmart in my area has the worst clientel ever. EVER! I don't know why I keep going back to that place. Actually, I do know. The prices are fabulous, and now they have a great produce and meat department. I have no issue with Walmart. I have issue with the customers. They are trashy, don't care for their stuff, definitely don't care for anyone else's stuff, cheap, lazy, uncleansed, undisciplined people. The Walmart in this town is absolutely terrible. It's the worst I've ever been to. The best one was in FTW (even though if I shopped at night I was sometimes worried some gang banger was going to mug me.)

I try to avoid it on the weekends when all the farm polks (Not a typo - my hybrid word for podunkville folks) come out. I acutally try to avoid any public shopping on the weekends for this reason. But that's a whole nother blog post. Even at lunchtime, when the mall, Target, and other like establishments are slower, and their clientel is the working lunch shopper, Walmart has the jobless, gotta get pregnant again so I can get more welfare, I'm not aware of anything else around me folk in there with their entire family screaming and yelling and whatever else it is they decide to do while in the store. I have seen more crazy, nasty white trash at this walmart than I have at any NASCAR evet I've ever gone to. At least the NASCAR white trashers have pride in what they are doing. Plus, those guys are fun!

I know good ole Wally World has a knack for attracting those that may not have much fortune, but that doesn't mean that a person (or family) has to act like animals to surive! Come on people now! And why is it, if you are a Walmart shopper you don't know how to drive through a parking lot, or walk in the parking lot without spreading your family out shoulder to shoulder blocking those large metal things on wheels from either parking, or leaving the lot. You know, those big things with wheels might have a person in there ready to crack and mow you down! Which, buy the time I got out of there this afternoon, I really was about to plow over this family of 3. Instead, I just crawled up on their asses and made my engine run louder. Eventually the dad turned around and realized, "Oh, that big metal thing on wheels is trying to move" Di di di! (In my best Carlos Mencia voice). Maybe they didn't know those things could move because their version of it has been up on blocks in their front lawn for 10 years.

My Ass Hurts

I met 3 of my girlfriends for a Girls Nite Out this weekend. We rented a room at a cheap hotel and had a few cocktails in the hot tub. Yadda Yadda Yadda... Now my ass hurts.

Wanna know what the yadda yadda yadda is? I guess you'll have to read on.

I don't know about my friends, but I had a great time this weekend. Saturday we all met at the 1/2 way point between here and there, rented a room, shopped, ate, and then drank in the hot tub. It was so nice spending time with good friends. Real friends. You know the ones that you can say anything, or do anything and it doesn't matter because it's just you and your real friends. I definitely have to start getting down to see them at least once a month. We decided our next get together should involve a spa day. Can't wait!

I think this weekend's binging on food and more accurately alcohol set me back a bit on the WW thing. This morning when I got on the scale I was back at the beginning. I'm hoping that it's water weight (aka booze weight) and tomorrow it will be back down. I have until Wednesday at noon to get back to where I was, plus my 2 pound goal. I'm pretty sure the two extra pounds is not going to happen this week, but I'm still going to try. Plus, no matter what, I have to at least weigh in the same, or else I'm going to slit my throat. I'm off to a good start though! This morning I had an english muffin with low sugar jam (3 pts), now I'm eating a boxed dinner (4 pts), and I went to the mall for my lunch hour and power walked around it. (Which is killing me now because I did it in 3 inch boots. (Gotta remember to bring in my tennis shoes tomorrow.))

Wondering about why my ass hurts? No it wasn't a crazy sex experiment gone bad. Well, on the way out of the hotel (or was it a motel?) Sunday morning, I had my hands loaded up with crap, and I slipped on the ice and fell. Luckily I landed on my left cheek, but it still hurt. I'm sure I have something out of alignment because my whole body hurts today. I will have to make a chiro appointment for tomorrow. I was going to make one for today, but I'm too tired to do anything after work today.


---On a Side Note---
I'd also like to add that I told my friend Sara that her husband was wrong about a NASCAR race. Although, I think I did qualify it by saying that if there was a race it wasn't a points race. (If I didn't I thought it.) There was indeed a race this weekend, but it was the Mexico race, not for points, and a road race. So I naturally disregard it as a NASCAR event because it's not part of the regular points season (aka Nextel Cup).