My First Day at the Office

Monday, March 27th, 2006

I got in to the sister-in-laws apartment around 10:30pm. All I really wanted to do was go to sleep, but since I was crashing on her couch, no such luck. Her fabulous boyfriend was there. She was cutting his hair, which I thought was really cute. I was surprised that he would trust her enough to be able to sit there while she snips snips and snips. They finally went to be at midnight. Do you think this means that I got some sleep? Of course not! She is a college student, and lives in the Ghetto. Her walls were so thin that I could hear the upstairs neighbors talking. I could literally hear what they were saying. Stupid me, I didn’t bring my ear plugs with me. So I attempted to make some using toilet paper. This helped a little bit, but I still couldn’t get to sleep. These shit-heads… OK. Maybe they weren’t shit heads, but who in their right mind stays up so late on a SUNDAY?! They didn’t go to bed until maybe 4:00am. FOUR OCLOCK! This is the last time I remember clocking on my cell phone before it went off at 6:00am. So either I just finally fell into a deep coma, or else they finally fell silent. So after I well gotten 2 hours of sleep, I get up and get ready for my new job, and of course, that lovely Piss test! (Follow-up, I was unable to take it as scheduled on Friday, so I had to make arrangements to take it before my orientation this morning.)

So I get to the clinic at 7:30am right as they are opening up for the day. I am literally the 4th person in line. Want to know how long it took me to get called into the little room to pee? An hour? They didn’t offer me anything to drink during that whole hour, so I couldn’t go when it was time to go. So then they make me drink two 40oz bottles of water, and then I am forgotten about. So an hour later, when I am ready to piss out my mouth, I hunt down the nurse that was helping me and I tell her I’m ready. She goes, “has it been long enough?” OK. If I have to wiz so bad that I can feel it in my teeth, I think it’s been long enough! I politely say, “Yes, it’s been an hour, and I can’t wait any longer.” So she takes me to the back room, and then disappears! I seriously almost just took my pants down and pissed all over her desk. I was so ticked off. Then another girl comes in and tells me, “please fill it to at least this black line.” I look at that line, laugh and say, “that will definitely not be a problem.” Do you want to know what I think is nasty? Well, other than this whole process. This stupid nurse would’t let me wash my hands until she was done processing my little vile of treasure. Now why is this???? She has my pee, so I obviously can’t tamper with it any longer, so why do I have to sit there feeling nasty and dirty while she takes her sweet little time doing her thing? Why I ask? Why?

So then I get to the orientation at 9:30. Mind you, my orientation started at 9:00. I am late. But that’s OK, because the HR lady is so nice, that she is just going to go over the paper work part with me later. So I get in the room, and she disappears to find some other person who was late. So there we are. Maybe 6 new employees, sitting in this room. Staring off at the walls in silence. So then we get started. We cover standard policy, etc, and then she mentions that we have an annual company picnic! I’ve always wanted to work somewhere where they have a company picnic! They rent out an entire park, and fill it with activities against other departments and stuff. It sounds like so much fun! I can’t wait! We also have a Christmas party, and lots of philanthropy events throughout the year. This also excited me, I hadn’t realized how much my old company really did bite in regards to treating their employees like living, loving, dreaming, feeling, humans. Then we took a tour of their DC, which they call, “operations”. They have some pretty high tech things going on out there. I was pretty impressed! Then we toured the customer call center, and I met the man I’d do if I was single. He was so hot. I can’t remember his name, but it was something very grizzly. It didn’t match how hot and sexy he was. I found myself looking around to see if anyone else was drooling.

Then after all that, they sent me up to my office area. This disappointed me a bit, because we are back in the corner of the building, so it sort of feels like a cave. There are a total of 6 of us on my team. Two Internet Merchandise Specialists, One Copywriter, One Web Builder, and One Statistical Analysis guy. (I don’t know what his real title is. Ask me again in a week.) Then I learn what it is that I will truly be doing. My new manager tells me that she is making me the Lead Project Manager on a new account. This is exciting! I am also already scheduled to travel! Woo hoo! I am going to a convention in Chicago around the end of April, and to another one in June. This one in June is totally exciting to me because it is one that I is sponsored by an internet retailer publishing that I read often.

So now it’s about 9:00pm. I’m sitting on the floor in my empty apartment. I went out and purchased a few tv dinner type meals for both lunch and dinner, have put away the few things I could fit into my car, and am fixin’ to go to bed. Yes. Bed at 9:00. I can’t wait to crawl onto my blow up mattress, and curl up into a sleeping ball of mush. Night night!